Choosing love, choosing presence, choosing myself.

Today, I’m especially grateful to be trans.
Or queer. Or whatever label someone feels like putting on it.

I’ve held a lot of titles in this life—Black, parent, ex-husband, creative, spiritual being.
All of them, I’m thankful for. But being trans? It’s a special kind of teacher.

I may still be early in my journey, but one thing queerness has given me is openness.
It’s helped me see people—and myself—with less judgment, less urgency to control, and way more room for grace.

I heard once that the mark of a good parent is raising kids who are whole and open…
kids who can disagree with someone but still show them compassion.
That stuck with me. Because my life has often been lived in disagreement with the world around me.
And still, I choose love.

People have disagreed with who I am for as long as I can remember.
Add loving God into the mix and suddenly it’s spiritual blasphemy too.
But here’s the thing—I don’t need anyone’s approval to live.

That kind of power?
I’m not handing it over.

That’s why I don’t get caught up in whether people use the right pronouns.
My grandmothers still say my old name, and I still love them.
A word won’t ruin my peace, and it won’t block my connection to others. Or myself.

I need no one’s validation.
I have Gus.

They know me. I know me.
And that’s enough. Everyone else? Just a bonus. A cherry on top.

Being trans points me back inward.
Back to Gus.
And back to a kind of love that isn’t performance-based.

It reminds me that we don’t have to agree to honor each other.
I don’t want agreement.
I want presence.
I want truth.
I want freedom.

God never coerced us. Jesus didn’t either.
So why would I try to make anyone be or believe what I believe?

I choose to see people as they are.
Even when we’re different. Especially then.

Thanks, Gus.
For the freedom to live without needing to be understood.
For the eyes to see others without fear.

And for the daily reminder that who I am was never a mistake.
It was always a mirror.

Today was a good day.

A blessed day.

It’s Mother’s Day, and while I feel a deep sense of gratitude for the mother I had, I’m also thinking of those for whom this day feels heavy.

To anyone missing their mom in the physical…

To anyone who never knew theirs…

To anyone wishing for a different kind of relationship…

To those who’ve lost a child, or long to be a mother…

I see you.

I’m holding space for you.

And I pray for comfort to find you gently today.

As for me—yes, I miss her too.

But I also feel her joy from wherever she is now. Maybe she’s resting in peace. Maybe she’s been called back into a new body. Who knows, really. Either way, I choose to be hopeful. I choose to remember the light.

Her laugh. Her warm hands.

Her corny jokes. Her unmatched cooking.

Her dancing. Her teaching. Her walk with God.

She was a peacemaker. A giver. Someone who made places better just by being in them.

And yeah—I remember her flaws too.

The parts I didn’t understand when I was younger.

But now, with a little more life under my belt, I get it. I see it. And I’m doing my part to grow from it.

I carry all of her—joyfully.

Thank you, God. Thank you, Gus.

For this life, this connection, this love that still moves through me.

What a gift.

What a woman.

What a mother.

Happy Mother’s Day.

When your goals feel so close and so far, stay present.

Today, I caught myself dealing with a different kind of FOMO.

It wasn’t the usual comparison trap of looking at other people’s lives. I’ve learned that lesson already—how we’re all unique beings, each on our own journeys through time and space. There’s no real way to compare yourself to someone else. No way to measure success when no one but you can define it.

But what I do still wrestle with sometimes is self-comparison.

The version of FOMO I give myself.

That creeping feeling that I’m not where “I” want to be yet—even though, deep down, I know I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. Right here. Right now. In this space. In this moment. On this piece of the timeline God has mapped out for me.

As I’ve been re-reading Living Untethered by Michael Singer, I’m being reminded to stay in awe of God’s creation. To actually see what’s unfolding in front of me, instead of worrying about what hasn’t arrived yet.

Today, in one of those quiet nudges, God whispered:

When your goals are so close and so far, there’s nothing else to do but stay present.

Amen.

I hear You.

I’ll remain here, in this breath, in this step.

Thank You, Gus, for the beautiful reminder.

It’s always about the journey anyway.

Stop tripping, D. (lol)

---

Resources:

📖 Living Untethered by Michael A. Singer

→ Buy the book

🌐 Visit Michael A. Singer’s website

→ untetheredsoul.com

Big Magic & The Moment Inspiration Strikes

A Reflection on Creativity, Habits, and Catching the Divine Spark

I recently finished reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and let me tell you—it was absolutely awesome. Witty, honest, and deeply encouraging, it’s a book I’ll be rereading. Gilbert doesn’t romanticize creativity. Instead, she reminds us that creativity is magical, but also available every day for anyone willing to show up for it.

Creativity Doesn’t Wait for You

One of the biggest takeaways for me? Creativity doesn’t care about your schedule. It shows up when it wants to—while you’re walking into work, mid-meditation, or right after vocal exercises. It doesn’t wait for your coffee to brew or your notebook to be open. It arrives like a flash. Swift. Precise. Demanding attention.

Gilbert writes that inspiration is not precious—it’s abundant. And while we often give it too much weight, treating it like something exclusive or rare, it’s actually infinite and available to everyone. But it will pass you by if you’re not open or prepared to receive it.

“Ideas are driven by a single impulse: to be made manifest.” – Big Magic

That means we have to practice the art of catching inspiration in motion. For me, that’s been about forming new habits that create space for ideas to land—and stick.

The Practice of Catching It

Lately, I’ve started recording improvised melodies right after my vocal warmups. No overthinking. No prep. Just pressing record and letting it flow. Sometimes it’s beautiful. Sometimes it’s chaos. But either way—it’s documented.

There was one morning in particular where inspiration really caught me off guard. I was walking into work after doing vocal exercises in the car. I started humming a melody that kept repeating in my head. I had just finished reading Big Magic, so I knew I couldn’t let this one slip by. I found a quiet space on the roof, sat down, and wrote the lyrics as they came.

The words poured out effortlessly.

Then I paused. I almost stopped.

But something inside reminded me: Finish it. Our minds don’t like open loops, and I’ve been challenging myself lately to see things through. I stayed a few more minutes and finished the song. That was a first for me—writing a full piece in one go.

One mistake, though? I didn’t record the melody. So now it’s just lyrics on a page, waiting for me to find their sound again.

Lesson learned: Always record when you can. Still, I’m calling it a creative win.

Creating Space for the Muse

Since then, I’ve made a few changes to the way I work. I give creativity space to arrive—whether that’s through journaling, humming melodies, sketching lyrics, or building an app. And when it does arrive, I try to capture it right away.

I’m even creating an app to be that hub for creative moments, because let’s be honest—I’ve got ideas scattered across journals, voice notes, sticky notes, and dreams. Some of those ideas deserve a second look. Maybe even a life.

Final Thoughts

Big Magic is a must-read for anyone on a creative path. It’s funny, insightful, and deeply grounding. If you’re looking for encouragement to start—or to keep going—this book delivers.

I also created a book score inspired by one of the excerpts from the book: Border Collie Mind It gave me a chance to practice scoring, share my interpretation, and create something in the spirit of the book’s message.

Watch it. Read the book. And most importantly, leave space for the magic to show up.

---

Resources

📖 Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

🌐 Elizabeth Gilbert’s Website

🎥 Watch the Video: Border Collie Mind

https://youtu.be/SwuDwEl1I_g

Inspired by Hyperfocus – How to Manage Your Attention in a World of Distraction – Chris Bailey

I didn’t expect to get much from the book Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey—mostly because I’ve already read a lot on productivity. But this one actually made me pause and rethink the way I structure my time. And if I’m being honest, I kind of needed that.

I’ve always been someone who likes systems. I like planning, making things efficient, and getting the most out of my day. Call it a personality trait—or a coping mechanism—but I’m happiest when I’m growing. Moving toward something. Progress is peace to me.

But a few months ago, I was struggling with focus. I even wondered if I had a little ADHD. Maybe I do. Maybe we all do now, in this age of constant pings and pulls for our attention.

I talked to my doctor about it and tried a low dose of Adderall for about a month. It helped. But I realized I didn’t want to rely on medication long-term—not for me, at least. (No judgment to anyone who does. Truly. I barely like taking ibuprofen, so it was more of a personal line than a universal truth.)

That started a little self-experiment.

---

The 15-Minute Rule

I made a list of everything I wanted and needed to do in a day—around 16 to 20 things. (Yeah, I know.) Then I asked: What’s the minimum I could give to each of these tasks to feel like I touched them?

Answer: 10 to 15 minutes.

So, I gave myself permission to just touch everything daily. No pressure to finish. Just engage. After a couple weeks, I noticed I was getting around 70% of it done most days—around 12 out of the 16 tasks. But more than that, I felt good. I wasn’t burned out. I felt accomplished.

Even the things I didn’t get to felt okay. I wasn’t neglecting them entirely anymore. I was at least staying in relationship with all the things that matter to me, even if just a little.

---

Diet, Energy, and Flow

Around that same time, I also noticed that my meals were too heavy. Not unhealthy, just… sleep-inducing. So I lightened them up—especially carbs—and that helped me stay more awake and alert in the middle of the day. I started feeling more in sync with my energy waves, which brings me back to Hyperfocus.

The book breaks down attention into different modes:

• Scatterfocus: when your mind is loose, fluid, and open to ideas.
  
• Hyperfocus: when you can lock into a task with deep attention.
  

That framework helped me understand my own rhythms better. I realized I wake up early—around 4am—but my brain isn’t ready to hyperfocus just yet. Instead, that early morning window is where my most creative ideas show up. It’s scatterfocus time. So I stopped trying to do heavy tasks then. Instead, I write music. I journal. I just flow.

By the time 8am hits (and the coffee kicks in), I’m ready to lock in. That’s when I do the more technical work—like composing arrangements, editing projects, or building systems. That block usually runs from 8am to 2pm. That’s my zone.

---

Knowing Your Attention is a Superpower

The biggest thing I’ve taken from Hyperfocus is this:

Your attention is a resource. And you don’t have to be in “beast mode” all day.

Now I structure my day around these attention zones:

• 4–8am – Creative flow and light exploration
  
• 8am–2pm – Deep work and technical execution
  
• 2–6pm – Research, ideation, and loose learning
  
• Evening – Practice, reading, or wind-down activities
  

I don’t follow this perfectly. I leave room for grace, for family, for interruptions. But having this structure helps me stay connected to what matters without burning out. It also helps me feel like I’m growing—and that’s really the core of it for me.

If I go a whole day without moving something forward—even just a little—it doesn’t feel like a good day. But now I have more ways to define progress, and more space to be human within the structure.

So yeah—shoutout to Chris Bailey. Hyperfocus reminded me that I don’t have to force my brain to do what it’s not built to do. I just need to partner with it.

---

Resources:
Explore more of Chris Baily’s work: Website
Buy the book here: Hyperfocus – How to Manage Attention in a World of Distraction

Learning to stop fighting what’s not actually fighting you.

Sometimes I catch myself spiraling—not because something is wrong, but because I’m worried that something might go wrong. Or I’m annoyed that the present moment doesn’t feel the way I think it should.

But as Michael A. Singer writes in Living Untethered:

“One of the most amazing things you will ever realize is that the moment in front of you is not bothering you—you are bothering yourself about the moment in front of you.”

That hit me.

We often confuse what is happening with what we’re telling ourselves about what’s happening.

The moment is rarely the enemy—our resistance to it is.

So today, I’m breathing. Letting the moment be what it is. And choosing not to bother myself about it.

Thanks for the reminder, Gus.

Resources:

📖 Living Untethered by Michael A. Singer

→ Buy the book

🌐 Learn more about Michael A. Singer

→ Visit the official site

So Far, Not Yet — and Why Worry Anyway?

A reflection on presence, progress, and handing it over to Gus.

The Practice: Shipping Creative Work has been one of those books I’ve enjoyed slowly. I read it like a live devotional—just a page or two at a time, enough to shift my perspective and send me back into the day with purpose. It’s not about getting through it. It’s about letting it work through me.

One section in particular, on worrying, reminded me of something my mom used to say all the time:

“Why worry if you’re going to pray? And why pray if you’re going to worry?”

That line has never left me.

Worry, to me, is one of those things that steals energy from the work. I can literally feel myself spinning mental wheels, imagining all the things that could go wrong—and I have to stop and remind myself: None of that has happened yet.

It pulls me out of the present. And the present is the only place Gus (God, Universe, Source) actually hangs out. Gus is never in the imaginary “what ifs.” Gus is here. Now.

So I hand over the worry. That’s God’s territory.

And I get back to the journey.

Because, like Seth Godin says in The Practice:

“You haven’t reached your goals (so far).

You’re not as good at your skill as you want to be (not yet).

You are struggling to find the courage to create (so far).”

Reading that felt like a breath. A truth I didn’t know I needed.

And honestly? Am I ever really there?

If life is this continuous spiral of becoming, there’s always more growth ahead.

So rather than chasing some final destination, I’m choosing to stay grounded in the “so far” and the “not yet.” That’s where the work lives. That’s where faith lives. That’s where presence lives.

So I’ll use this time wisely—stay present, do the work, and trust that what’s meant for me will unfold when it’s supposed to.

So far. Not yet. Still going.

---

Resources

📚The Practice: Shipping Creative Work by Seth Godin

🌐 Seth Godin’s Website

---